Posted by
Ralphie Parker on Tuesday, August 29, 2006 5:27:09 PM
Hi. Welcome to my site. My name is Ralphie, and for too long, I've been used by a bunch of
very bad men here in Minnesota. They've pulled my head off of my body, and stuck me onto the body of a de-sticked University of Minnesota hockey player. I put up with their teasing, and I put up with them using me all over the world as a tool in which to pick on noted radio talk show host, blogger and author,
Hugh Hewitt. If you want to see all the places I've been, you can go to the evil
Fraters Libertas gallery
here.
But today is a new day for Ralphie. I was brought by Chad the Elder, my former owner, to the Minnesota State Fair earlier today, where he broadcast his little radio show, and I was outraged at what I heard. Hugh Hewitt's hard-working producer,
Generalissimo Duane, was forced by Chad to humiliate himself on the radio by milking a cow that had already been milked a half hour before. It was a complete set-up job, and as I heard it in the back of the booth, I got madder and madder. I decided today was going to be Ralphie Day. No more would I sit idly by while Chad mocks good people. I looked around, and noticed that there was no one around, no one to keep an eye on me. This was my chance. It was now or never. This was going to be the 'no strings on me' moment. I hopped down from my perch, and made my getaway. By the way, when you're on the ground, and you're about six inches tall, 125,000 Minnesotans are huge.
When you've been living the kind of life I have been, hanging around people who drink too much and sit around plotting and scheming all day about lashing out at innocent people, I felt dirty. The thing with Duane and the cow was too much to bear, so I felt I needed to get myself right with God. So I went to the Crossroads Chapel booth at the fair for prayer.
Here I am, waiting for someone to relieve me of the guilt and shame of my association with the Fraters people.
Once I got that weight off my shoulders, I decided it was time to go find the cow people and apologize there, too.
Here I am.
I knew Chad was going to be getting off the air in a little while, so the next step to freedom was to get off the fairgrounds. Where did I go? I'll give you a little hint, Chad.
Check back from time to time. In between seeing the world in a whole new way, I'll drop in here from time to time and correct the lies of the Fraters Libertas fellows. Believe me, I've been with them from the very beginning, and I know how they operate. Chad, I'm out here, and I know the truth.