Posted by
Ralphie Parker on Thursday, August 31, 2006 9:35:33 PM
I've been having so much fun since my escape from that foolish ex-owner of mine, Chad the Elder of
Fraters Libertas, that I apologize for not writing sooner. I wanted to see what an almost hurricane looks like, so I made my way down to Coconut Grove, Florida, to see the sights. And boy, is there lots to see, unlike that repressive world that Chad forced me to live in back in Minnesota. I
read that today, six days after my escape, he finally realized I was missing. Some owner he is...or was.
I've got to tell you, I was worried about Chad figuring out where I was, and how I escaped. I thought I'd never make it out of the state, because Chad would somehow outsmart me, and drag me back into captivity. I felt a little like a bobblehead version of Elian Gonzalez, who is still remembered quite fondly around here.
Here I am strolling CocoWalk, one of the legendary landmarks here in Coconut Grove. It's amazing how many people haven't heard of Chad, but learn to despise him once they hear my story. Many of them have volunteered to take me into their homes, and protect me from Chad, as though trying to avenge the loss of little Elian back to Cuba many years ago.
In Minnesota, all I ever heard was fish stories about eelpout, walleye and pike. In Florida, they have real fish called Marlins, and they even have a baseball team that's won the World Series a couple of times lately.
I might post some more pictures later, but I don't want that buffoon Chad to be able to triangulate on me too soon, so I might have to be moving along. Can you believe Chad? He's actually accusing that nice radio host, Mr. Hewitt and his loyal producer Duane, of kidnapping me. You know, like Democrats on the war, some people will just never get it. Bye for now. I think there's a Jimmy Buffett concert tonight.