Posted by
Ralphie Parker on Saturday, August 01, 2009 4:21:10 PM
It occurred to me after my recent trip to Tucson that not enough people in the South know who
Chad the Elder is, and why they shouldn't like him. So I headed to see some friends in Raleigh, North Carolina.
I always like to check out the local culture whenever I arrive somewhere new, so a stop at the
Museum of Art seemed like a good place to start. Unfortunately, the attendant wouldn't allow me to come in, because I didn't meet their dress code. Once again, the curse of the mutancy bestowed upon me by Chad the Elder and his fellow reprobates at Fraters Libertas struck.
A bad start to the trip was quickly outweighed by lunch at the
Cracker Barrel. I know President Obama believes all of life's problems can be settled over a round of beers. Lord knows Chad the Elder will have that saying etched on his tombstone.
Somehow, after a relaxing lunch, when you're in the South, you play checkers. I lost, by the way. I kept trying to slap shot my kings.
Here I am standing outside the chapel at legendary Duke University. I must say, for a chapel, it looks pretty cathedraly.
Downtown Raleigh with Sir Walter himself. By the way, no, Sir Walter Raleigh was not a North Carolinian. In fact, he never stepped foot in the New World. Last month, they dressed him up in a pink cape and tutu for the Susan G. Komen run for the cure. Personally, I think he looks better this way. I tend to shudder when I see what people do to statues big and small.
Next on the list of things to see was Pullen Park, which has been seen by millions of people on television. Do you remember the Andy Griffith show opening scene, where Andy Taylor and his son, Opie were walking down to the fishing hole with their fishing poles over their shoulder? That was filmed right here. It would have been nice if Chad the Elder and I had that kind of relationship when I was growing up. Sadly, he drank a lot and turned me into a college hockey player.
Still at Pullen Park. This merry-go-round dates back to 1910, meaning it's gone in circles just a fraction longer than the Obama birth certificate nuts.
There is a train exhibit at Pullen Park, but this caught my eye. Notice the caboose not attached to the rest of the train that just says Southern on it? The story goes that a while back, the guy who was hired to paint the caboose went to go get a hot dog one day and never came back. The painter had already painted the entire car red and painted the name Southern on it, but no one knew what the name was before he started, so they just left it the way it was. It's apparently the way of the South.
The sign said stop on red signal, so I did.
Good thing, too. That would have hurt.
This is the west entrance to the North Carolina state capitol. It looks remarkably empty, something that would benefit a lot of people if the capitols in New York and California frequently looked this way, too.
While walking around the capitol, the groundskeeper saw me looking at this 1846 cannon, and asked if I wanted to take a ride. You'd think they would have cleaned in here a little in the last hundred and fifty years or so.
On the east side of the capitol, there is a statue of the three presidents that have come from North Carolina - James K. Polk, Andrew Jackson, and Andrew Johnson. The statue looks like Polk and Johnson withered in the heat and had to sit down. Jackson at least had the smarts to ride in on his horse.
There were a lot of nuts in the news over the last week - the Obama birthers, and Joe Biden, who couldn't get enough nuts at the Beer Summit at the White House. Raleigh is knows as the City of Oaks, as this statue designates.
Playing in the woods behind the house of my new friends here in Raleigh.
I tried to help my hosts work on their room addition, but I had trouble lifting the hammer. The skill saw was out, because of the horrible memories dating back to my Chad the Elder captivity. So I helped the best way I could - as a level.
All in all, a great time returning to the South. I hope to get this way again, but there are still millions of people that need to know about the evils of the Fraters Libertas gang, so I must be on my way. Which direction will I head? You'll have to visit the site to find out. Until then, Ralphie here saying goodbye, and if you happen to run into Chad the Elder on the street somewhere, sock him in the nose for me.